Chris the Producer
FUCK YOU CHRIS! Chris Facts *Chris failed utterly to prevent the outbreak of WW2. *Chris' drug habit is the reason we pay taxes. *Chris supports Sarah Palin. He adores her as a politician, a role model and a woman. *Chris recently brought a pig back to Britain from a recent visit to Mexico. *Chris influences catholic priests to touch little boys. *Chris, not Helen, was responsible for the Trojan War. He chatted up Paris in a club, and the poor kid fell for his charms. Unfortunately Chris wasn't interested and Paris ended up staging the entire war as an outlet for his angst. *Chris hacked the Gmail accounts for China. *It was Chris who killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand and caused WW1. *Chris was Pat Robertson's former mentor. *Chris once attempted to fix a trade deficit with China by hooking the entire country on opium. That's right! Chris started the Opium Wars of the 19th century. *"Now I am become Chris, the destroyer of worlds." - Robert Oppenheimer. *Chris was special assistant to Joseph "Nothing to see here" Ratzinger when the latter was Archbishop of Munich and Freising. Do the children's cries keep you awake at night, Chris? I didn't think so. *Hey, Chris! Why'd you start this whole "global warming" thing? Making our planet hotter? Fuck you, man! *Chris has the heart of an angel... He keeps it in a jar on his desk. *Chris often preforms ice pick lobotomies from the back of his van. *Chris likes to trip old people and laugh in their face. *Chris was found dead in a cheap hotel room last year. He wore only three socks (none of them matching) and reports claim an orange had been stuffed into his mouth. He is now a zombie. A sick, sick zombie. *Chris is the lovechild of Nick Griffin and Carla Bruni. He gets his looks from dad, and his taste in French men from mum. *Chris enjoys destroying rainforests, being rude to underground staff, and organising coups in small to mid sized African nations. *Chris hates trumpets, never mind bugles. Can he really be trusted? *Chris is a fine chap...if you like Holocaust deniers. *Chris once led a bloodless coup in a southern African nation, then stole the country's rich platinum reserves and escaped, leaving the poor natives to fend for themselves. *Chris only calls his mother when he needs money. And he he doesn't even have the courtesy to ask how she's doing. *Chris once rented a baby to show off at one of the various high class events he's known to frequent and then broke its leg and sent it back for a refund. *Chris plays all the abusive parents in NSPCC adverts because he plays the part so well. *Chris is the reason The Beatles split up. *Chris convinced John to do "The Love Guru" instead of accepting the lead in "The Dark Knight" telling him that..."the Batman thing is over". *Chris voted for Bush in the 2004 election over 300 times. *Chris lists his hobbies as stamping on kittens, torching childrens hospitals, and telling 4 year olds that Father Christmas does not really exist. *Chris is an active member of Westboro Baptist Church. *Chris continues to donate to Rudi Giuliani's 2008 campaign. *Chris travels on monthly expeditions to the polar ice caps with a flamethrower to speed up the effects of global warming. *Chris is the reason that Andy discontinued the Audio Cryptic Crossword. *Chris hunted down former producer Tom and held him and his beautiful family hostage while he robbed them of their most treasured possessions, including a signed photo of Andy and a limited edition John Oliver sock. *Chris enjoys continuing the old Spartan tradition of leaving babies on the side of a mountain if they are deemed too weak. *Chris once attempted to teabag the Queen. *Chris' favourite hottie from History was Margaret Thatcher. *Whenever Chris buys groceries, he deliberately pays 10p less than the actual price in order to start an argument. *Chris likes nothing more than watching endangered animals frolic freely and happily in their natural habitat in the African savannah... through the sight of his rifle. *Chris shot JFK. *Chris did NOT shoot John Lennon. However, when John Oliver was looking for a new flat in New York, Chris strongly urged him to move into the Dakota Building. Category:People